Why Do I Write?

Why do I write? This is a question that I have been asking myself more often lately, which makes a lot of sense because I have been trying to write more often on this site. Ideally, I’d like to write something every day (at least something small).

But I’ll be honest, it can be quite challenging to write every day. Not because I have writer’s block. In fact, I find that I have too many things to say, and it’s more important that I edit myself and choose words that are worth saying.

No, the current problem that I have with writing is that I’m not getting a ton of feedback. I write, I post… and then not a whole lot happens. My posts don’t go viral. I don’t have a life changing experience. And I can’t help but ask myself was this worth all the effort? So I think it’s valuable and worth it to ask yourself What are the benefits? In my case, now I’ll ask myself Why do I write?

Insufficient Reasons

When I started this site, I thought it was going to be a portfolio site to help me get a job in software engineering. That hasn’t really panned out yet. For whatever reason, that’s not a big enough motivator for me to write. I suppose it feels contrived to me and for some reason my personality can’t stand anything that feels contrived.

I’ve also discovered that clicks and likes are not that great of a motivator either. Fame is overrated. Fame doesn’t buy groceries or pay bills. Too much fame actually lowers your quality of life. And in this divisive age, no one is universally liked. So the more famous your are, the more infamous you are. Someone is going to dislike you. And someone is going to be crazy enough to do something horrible like SWAT you. I am extremely uninterested in being famous.

Another motivation I see in myself is recognition. For years, I thought this was the same thing as fame. I ultimately realized that they are not the same thing, only to later realize that they are close enough. Fame is primarily focused on getting others to like or notice you, whereas recognition is focused on getting others to appreciate you and your contributions. I can have recognition without fame. I could be obscure enough that strangers won’t recognize me on the sidewalk, yet when I walk into a room of people interested in the same field as me, they could recognize who I am and what I have done. For years, recognition seemed more appealing to me, but eventually I realized that it stimulates my ego in the same way as fame.

Self Expression

Self expression. I like writing on this site. It feels like the older better days of the internet, when we were allowed to own our spaces. We could be unique and weird. We could deck out our MySpace pages with awful neon colors and terrible design. We weren’t shackled by Facebook, Tik Tok and YouTube. It’s been really nice to find freedom on this site again. I really think more people should have a personal site again.

Self Improvement

I’m attracted to the idea of morning pages from The Artist’s Way. I like the idea of consistent practices. Gradual improvement over time. I like the catharsis and clarity that I get from writing. I like to exercise the muscle between my ears. I like exploring and discovering ideas.

I like the idea to do something difficult every day. I like the hope that this hard work will lead to some improvement and benefits in the long run. I like the feeling of accomplishment of achieving something difficult. Writing these little posts is hardly a difficult thing, but doing it regularly, daily even, even when I don’t feel motivated, now that is quite a bit more difficult.

Community

I spent quite a bit of time talking down on fame and recognition. I even pointed to how they are often just pointing to an ego boost. But I hope you don’t come away from this thinking that you shouldn’t want others to see your work at all. Some people have this idea that creative endeavors should just be for yourself and no one else. How is it less selfish to write a good book and never share it with the world? Sure you have avoided the vain ego boost of praise-chasing, but you have devoted thousands of hours to an endeavor designed to please no one else except yourself. I also, once agreed with this idea that art should be made for yourself and no one else. But I don’t buy it anymore.

Now I know longer want fame. I don’t even want recognition (at least that’s not the primary thing that I want). But what I’m looking for is community. I want to benefit others and to discover what others have to offer. I ought to spend and be spent.

Motivated By Writing

Over time, I’ve discovered that I need to find a reason inherent in the action itself. Fame will rise and fall. So will popularity, recognition, internet traffic, revenue and whatever else. The world will change whether I like it or not. So if I want to find motivation to write, I need to find a motivation that is itself rooted in writing.